Those of you who think BDSM stands for Business Development, Sales and Marketing are in for a surprise. Another interpretation of those initials includes the words Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism and Masochism. OK that should be BDDSSM, but the standard acronym is BDSM.

What is BDSM?
It’s a lifestyle. It’s a way of behaving in private or in public where people live out their fantasies with other consenting adults. It can be playful, fun, exciting, naughty, stimulating and a host of other positive, fun experiences, assuming that’s what the individual wants. It leaves some people utterly cold, while for others it’s almost a compulsion, and there’s every shade of the rainbow in between

Why do people enjoy BDSM?
Why do some people enjoy Jazz Music while others can’t abide it? Why do some people adore TV Reality programs while others prefer reading science books? We’re all different, and we all create pleasurable associations with different things. There’s a huge spectrum of BDSM enjoyment as well. Some people might tie their partner’s wrists with silk, just for fun, maybe once or twice in their lives; for others a BDSM clubbing event is the highlight of their week and they spend a great deal of time and money dressing right and having fun.

Sadism and Masochism
Sadism essentially means inflicting pain and Masochism receiving pain, with enjoyment had by both parties. Sadism, as a term, derives from the Marquis de Sade. He wrote extensively about his particular interests and served time in prison for acting them out. Films and programmes have been made about him, showing the level of interest in what was a pretty wacky individual. Masochism meanwhile derives from a certain Leopold von Sacher-Masoch.

Fantasy and reality
Many men and women have fantasies. For some individuals their fantasies are a very important part of their sex lives. Fantasy is necessary for some people to enjoy masturbation, and many men and women imagine fantasy situations while making love, and this helps many achieve orgasm. People can choose to keep their fantasies to themselves, to share them with their partner or act them out in private or in public.

A spectrum of enjoyment
Some people would never tell their partner about their fantasies. Others might share them – and there can be negative and positive sides to sharing a fantasy. The BDSM culture reflects people who get huge fun acting out a lifestyle they find exciting, fun and sexually stimulating. Perhaps the general level of interest in BDSM reflects the fact that many people find some aspects of BDSM erotic, but maybe the vast majority keep it to themselves. Who knows? Check out Nancy Fridays books on male and female fantasies for more information.

Isn’t Sadism and Masochism wrong?
Words mean different things to different people. If some people are aroused by acting in a dominant way and others are aroused by acting in a submissive way then that’s their choice, their life, their way of having fun. “Wrong” implies some form of judgement – wrong in whose eyes? Consider the phrase “consenting adults”. Let’s take judgement out of it. If people get pleasure out of behaving in a non-conventional way and nobody is co-erced or harmed, then where’s the problem?

Sadism as a newspaper term
Newspapers are fond of using the words like sadist and sadistic, to describe aggressive, cruel individuals who abuse, even torture, and occasionally kill other people. So Sadism as a term has travelled a little way beyond its original meaning, which was pretty much in a sexual context. People in the BDSM lifestyle are not cruel, wicked, evil people; though no doubt there are a few individuals with these tendencies, as there are in any segment of society. BDSM followers associate the term with lifestyle, fun and a sexual preference, not wanton cruelty. For more details on Sadism, check out Wikipedia.

Sadism and abusive relationships
Some individuals are cruel and aggressive to their partners, both physically and verbally.
Information and advice on abusive relationships can be found elsewhere on this site.