There are many factors affecting arousal in either sex. It’s perfectly acceptable in any relationship for one partner not to want sex occasionally, and the other partner should understand that and still offer affectionate, loving support.

If one partner is under a lot of pressure or stress for whatever reason, then that’s likely to have a temporary effect on sex drive and arousal.

The question is how long is temporary, and is this low sex drive or low arousal an increasingly long term rather than a short term problem?

Low sex drive
Someone with a low sex drive may not want to be aroused or want to put time aside to become aroused. He or she may devise tactics to avoid sex with their partner because sex has a much lower priority for them.

With time set aside for arousal and both partners willing to change or at least accommodate the other partners’ wishes for less, or more, sex, then there is hope. For couples who have a too big a sexual mis-match and this is damaging the relationship, counselling should be considered earlier rather than later, when it becomes all too late.

Foreplay
Women take much longer to become sexually aroused than men. A man who “rushes the gate” and attempts to penetrate and make love without properly arousing his partner may think she has a low sex drive, but in fact she’s simply not aroused enough for sex. Please refer to other sections on this site on Non-sexual Foreplay, Sexual Foreplay and Penetrative Foreplay

Psychological factors
A woman has to feel “in the mood” before arousal can have any effect. A woman who is not “in the mood” is unlikely to become aroused even if the man makes best efforts to arouse her. So what’s the root cause of the problem? Well, it could be many things from problems with their relationship, stress and worry from sources outside the relationship (money, job, health, children and so on), or other psychological problems such as depression.

A woman may not feel desirable or attractive, which could result from the man not complimenting her, or not paying attention to her except when he wants sex. She may need more reassurance, affection and love, rather than more lubricating jelly.

Physiological factors
Certain drugs can cause a reduction in sexual arousal, or it may the woman has undergone some physiological change that has reduced her normal levels of arousal.

There could a mixture of physiological and psychological causes – either party could feel that they have become less attractive through age, or increased weight and this reminder whenever they look at themselves in the mirror, depresses their sex drive and subsequently they have difficulty becoming aroused.

Resolution to the problem of low arousal
As we’ve said elsewhere on the site, it’s necessary to understand the cause of any problem before you can go about uncovering a solution, or possible solutions. Rather than suffering in silence the couple should communicate their concerns to one another and arrange for a visit to a doctor or counsellor as appropriate.

 

Read more...

EROS Technique DVD
The definitive guide to Orgasmic Triggers and giving Multiple Orgasms...


The Freeze
Give women orgasms, men last longer too


Orgasmic Triggers
Physical and Verbal events to fire her orgasms


Penetrative Foreplay
Put her in a "Sensual Trance"



Live Talks
See Upcoming Seminar dates