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Erections are caused by blood filling spongy tissues in the penis. At the same time other blood flows into nearby blood vessels which pressurize these spongy tissues, stopping the blood escaping.
It’s similar to squeezing a partially inflated balloon.
Typically a man only has to feel aroused and an erection forms. Maintenance of an erection during lovemaking is obviously desirable but it’s quite common for a man’s erection to wilt naturally if he becomes engaged in some aspect of foreplay that concentrates his mind.
Male erections: Getting them
Erections are caused by blood filling spongy tissues in the penis. At the same time other blood flows into nearby blood vessels which pressurize these spongy tissues, stopping the blood escaping. It’s similar to the effect when you squeeze a partially inflated balloon.
Spontaneous erections
In a healthy teenage boy, erections often happen spontaneously at very inappropriate times, as though the body is exercising itself for future use. Aside from the embarrassment this is a very welcome development! Typically a man only has to feel aroused and an erection forms. Maintenance of an erection during lovemaking is obviously desirable but it’s quite common for a man’s erection to wilt naturally if he becomes engaged in some aspect of foreplay that concentrates his mind.
Erections rise and fall during lovemaking
Men can make the mistake of thinking that it’s important for them to maintain an erection and therefore to “use it” by penetrating the woman as quickly as possible. When lovemaking takes 15, 30 or 45 minutes the man will gain and lose an erection many times. Far from women responding to this negatively, most women relish the sight of a man regaining his erection several times. In fact, most women are only too happy to help a man regain his erection, and they become sexually excited by helping him.
Erections after orgasm
After orgasm it may take a man several minutes to regain his erection depending on factors such as tiredness or alcohol. Some men will fall asleep after one orgasm, whereas another man will rest a while, regain his erection and want to make love again. After a man has had an orgasm he may need to gently masturbate in order to regain an erection. Again, the help of a woman is often greatly appreciated by the man.
Erections and the older man
As a man ages he may take longer to achieve an erection and may need quite a lot of manual stimulation (from himself or her) to get an erection. He may also have a softer erection than he had in his younger days. This shouldn’t mean older couples shy away from sex, far from it, it just simply means the woman may need to return the favours of earlier years when he took his time to arouse her. And as he ages, perhaps she needs to spend more time reassuring him and telling him how attractive he is, as well as spending more time physically arousing him. What goes around comes around, you might say!
Soft erections
A man may have soft erections for many reasons: following orgasm, alcohol, tiredness, physiological problems, increasing age, and psychological problems. It’s quite possible if a man can manage some form of penetration that his erection will grow once he is partially inside her.
A particular position, such as making love from behind (doggy style) may cause him to be more aroused and so he regains his erection that way. Taking a patient, relaxed view of lovemaking will always help. Worst case, just make a cup of tea, (or whatever beverage appeals to you) relax and enjoy the moment of being together and perhaps in ten minutes gently begin again.
Erectile dysfunction (ED): when erections don’t happen
There’s a specific section on Erectile Dysfunction on this site (Impotence is another term for ED). There can be many causes for ED from circulatory problems, to anxiety to the use of prescription and non-prescription drugs. Self induced anxiety about losing an erection can be a major factor; a man effectively thinks himself into losing an erection by becoming focused and anxious about losing his erection. For further detailed information on ED we recommend Coping with Erectile Dysfunction by Drs. Michael Metz and Barry McCarthy. ISBN: 1-57224-386-4.
Male erections: maintaining them
Men would always want to maintain an erection, naturally. The question is “for how long?” Men may believe it’s necessary for them to maintain an erection for the duration of lovemaking, but really that’s an unrealistic notion. If a man can regain an erection with gentle stimulation then there’s no reason to fear losing it.
Guys: concentrate on lovemaking not maintaining an erection
It’s a mistake to believe it necessary to have a constant erection if lovemaking lasts 20 or 30 minutes or more. In the young man this is quite possible, but it is natural for an erection to soften during an extended lovemaking session.
A great male lover concentrates on the pleasure he’s giving his woman not whether he has an erection or not. His erection could rise and fall half a dozen times or more if he’s making love for 20 or 30 minutes.
Viagra and erection
Viagra has benefited many couples by enabling a man to gain and maintain an erection, where before there were problems. A permanent erection, though, does not necessarily equate with being a great lover. Thrusting can excite a woman so she has an orgasm, but extended thrusting can de-sensitise a woman, she can even become bored or tired through continuous thrusting. We recommend the EROS technique as an approach for a man to give a woman a fantastic time in bed, whether he’s taking Viagra or not.
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