Lovemaking Forum - How Subconscious Rules

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How Subconscious Rules

Our subconscious is our autopilot. Imagine your conscious mind as you consciously making 10% of
your decisions and subconscious mind making 90% of the other decisions you make.

Think about the commute to work or getting up and getting dressed. We do a whole load of things without consciously thinking about it – we just do things mechanically. We can drive a familiar route in the car without even thinking about it.

Our subconscious lets us know what’s safe and what’s not, it makes us leap out of the way of a car or it steers us away from potentially dangerous situations (foreign food, heights, dark streets). We trust our subconscious to protect us.

We repeat behaviours – it’s easier!
We tend to look for an easier life. We tend to look for routine, for example on holiday we’ll very quickly get into a routine of getting up, eating, visiting places, or going to a beach and so on on. We slip into a routine in many aspects of our lives. We repeat our behaviour. It’s easier.

Supermarkets constantly change the position of foods and goods because we become habitual shoppers, buying the same things from the same positions on the supermarket aisles. The supermarkets hope that by changing the positions of foods they’ll force us to consciously shop again and then they can attract us with other tempting offers.

The brain likes routines, even in lovemaking
Whatever we do we’ll tend to slip into a routine; our minds are built that way. So whether it’s a good habit or a bad habit, our subconscious picks it up and repeats it. In lovemaking it’s easy for a man to slip into a routine of getting her a little bit aroused, penetrating her, thrusting away for a bit, then having an orgasm and going to sleep.

The woman can equally slip into a routine. While it may be nice to have routine, it’s also nice to take special time for lovemaking and break out of the routine. Hence all the advice you will find on this website.

A woman is not a supermarket
It would be so easy to treat sex with the same woman like shopping in the same supermarket. Like a habitual supermarket shopper a man can easily do in bed what he’s always done. A woman can’t rearrange what she has on offer like a supermarket.

She can’t put her items on display in a different place (a bizarre thought…….) though she can dress differently so the “window display” looks enticing. Luckily for women, men are relatively easily excited by a woman changing her appearance (hair, make up, clothes and so on)

Fight your subconscious
Guys, if you’re being routine in your lovemaking, fight it. If you always do the same things, do something different: start from the other end of the bed, go to bed with clothes half on, spend a long time on her breasts, then next day make love to her legs. Whatever you do, fight being routine in lovemaking. Fight your subconscious, don’t so the same things, even if you’ve been married for 20 years. It’s no excuse. Try being romantic, try being different (even if it’s only once in a while).

Re-program your subconscious in lovemaking
Breaking the usual habits that the subconscious always offers, enables you begin to reprogram yourself. Soon it will become natural for you to be different in bed, to change your approach, naturally. “What shall I do tonight?” will become your automatic thought as bedtime approaches. It may only be small thing you do – perhaps you wait on the other side of the bed, perhaps she spends a long time caressing his back or chest, or perhaps he takes a long time kissing and massaging her legs.

If she never really knows quite what's going to happen it adds a certain excitement like being with another version of the same man. Not a different man, but different enough. It’s as though the man is the same reliable, loving man, but a man who can also be different, a little strange, a little exciting, and a great lover. And for him, it’s the pleasure and anticipation of something different.

Give and you’ll receive
In lovemaking, as it is in life, the greater pleasure is giving rather than receiving. If a man complains that his woman is always the same in bed, always boring – does he have any right to complain if he is always the same, if he doesn’t do anything different? The same can be said of a woman, if she is always the same, and never does anything different, how can she expert her man to do anything different? Look first to give pleasure, then you should find pleasure being given back to you.

Sexual and non-sexual foreplay
Try varying sexual foreplay and non-sexual foreplay. Check out the section on Penetrative Foreplay. There's lots of way a couple can re-invent their love life. Please contact us, and let us know where our advice helped improve your love life.

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