Women tend to be more sophisticated communicators than men in that they can be part of two or more conversations at once, listening and talking at the same time and communicating through body language as well.



Watch women in a group and see how they communicate through facial gestures, eyebrows or the shape of their mouth. But girls, it’s no good using all these great communication devices with your man; they’ll just fly over his head.

Why hints don’t work with men
“I hope he buys me that dress for my birthday. I’ve given him enough hints”. If you hear a woman say this, gently but firmly inform her that men can’t work from hints. Men communicate through direct words and direct statements. So a woman has to be direct if she wants something from her man whether that’s something she wants doing round the house or something in bed. Although if the hint is really, really big he may just pick it up (but don’t count on it………)

How to give him a hint that works
Let’s just keep this to the bedroom shall we? Girls, if you want him to become even better in bed then try gently pointing him at different areas of this website, particularly things like the couples workbook. Saying “I really love it when you do this…..” may seem an obvious pointer from a female perspective, but your average guy may only read it as a hint. So girls, you may even have to add “so would you mind doing that a little more? It really turns me on”.

That’s a hint even a man can take...

Never, ever criticise or compare
Men cannot abide being criticised. It’s like taking his manhood away. Comparisons are almost as bad, and in the bedroom a comparison is even worse than a criticism. Most people respond well to encouragement and appreciation, most people do not respond well to criticism. So if you’re a woman wanting your man to be the best possible lover in the bedroom, inspire him by pointing out the different sections on this website, and say that you’d really appreciate working it out together.

Don’t nag, appeal to him
Men hate to be nagged. It’s on a par with being criticised. Better to say things like “Wouldn’t it be fantastic if….” Or “Wouldn’t it be great if….” Men can be inspired to do better, perform better, change their approach and so on. Appeal to that part of him that wants to be the best.

Appreciate him more
Men love being appreciated (let’s face it, we all like to be appreciated). If you, as the woman, appreciate him, and tell him how happy he’s made you, then it’s a behaviour he’s likely to repeat. Positive reinforcement is the way that human beings respond best. What’s surprising, considering how we all know this to be true, is how negative criticism is still used by many people to try to influence behaviour.

It rarely works. Workers do not respond well to being criticised, children hate to be criticised, yet many of us use negative rather than positive reinforcement. So ladies, tell him how much you appreciate what he does, and ask for more of it.

When communication fails:
What if all communication fails? What if the woman cannot convince her man that things need to improve or change in the bedroom? If you are ever unhappy with a situation whether that’s a rotten job, a poor relationship or a substandard hotel room there are three strategies: accept, change or leave. That’s it.

So with a relationship if you cannot accept the situation then leaving is the only option if you cannot change things. There are a number of organisations who provide counselling services, and a Google search should highlight what’s available in your local area.

Accept, change of leave
Sometimes we go through a cycle of accepting, then doing our utmost to change something, then thinking about leaving, then falling back to unhappy acceptance. It’s difficult to get people to change (it’s difficult enough getting ourselves to change never mind anyone else!), and the threat of leaving is often the biggest lever anyone has.

Pain and pleasure
We all tend to be driven by seeking short term pleasure and avoiding short term pain. If all your attempts at communicating your unhappiness have failed to change the other person, if all your attempts to change them through counselling have failed, then perhaps it’s time to consider the long term pain this is giving you.

It’s only when we consider long term pain, which is just short term pain repeated over and over again, that we decide to make very tough decisions. While much of this site is dedicated to improving an existing loving relationship, there is a time when you should consider leaving if that is the only sensible way to avoid short term and long term pain.
 

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