Image courtesy of Attribution Licence

Sex is an incredibly powerful driver, biologically speaking. Males of any animal species are driven by genetic "programming" to reproduce. In fact sex is the driver, reproduction is the effect. This pre-programming for human males affects the conscious mind. Every day (every minute?) thoughts about sex arise from deep within the mans subconscious, much like volcanic smoke and fire arises from magma chambers deep in the earths crust.

Men seem programmed for quick sex
We like to think our behaviour is based on rational logical thought, but the reality is much of what we do consciously is preprogrammed by our genes. It's as though our body can drive our mind rather than the other way round. Men are programmed for the immediate buzz of sex and orgasm, and typically men become very aroused and available for sex in seconds. It's almost as though a mans body is programmed for "quick sex then move on".

Women are more choosy
Typically women take much longer to become aroused. Like men, womens' genes appear to modify behaviours: scientific research has shown that women dress more sexually provocatively when they are at their most fertile part of their cycle. In this part of their cycle they find "alpha male" looks more attractive (strong jaw, large nose, narrow eyes). Women appear to choose the "alpha male" carefully and the "bonding male" equally carefully, seemingly based on the logic "Does this male have good genes?" and "Is this male likely to help care for the young?"


You can choose to modify your preprogramming
Our genetically programmed sexual behaviour can be modified by cultural, parental and peer group pressures. When these are in conflict (such as parental or cultural pressure to be sexually restrained as opposed to biological, genetic pressure to have sex and reproduce) we can experience huge personal conflict and unhappiness. Ultimately we do have our conscious capabilities at hand to override genetic, parental, cultural or peer group drivers. When we ask ourselves powerful questions such as "What do I want from my sex life?" and "What do I want to give my partner?" we free ourselves to understand what we really want to do and choose to do.


Don’t be at the mercy of your sexual cravings
Some people have a high sex drive, and a high demand for certain types of sex or situations. They get a buzz in the same way a gambler gets a buzz from placing a bet or watching the horse run. Recognising that your behaviour is driving you as an individual is the first step in deciding how you want and aspire to behave. Remember the saying "It is better to give than to receive". If you think about what you can give your partner sexually, rather than what you receive yourself, you'll have a more fulfilling sex life. However, if you're programmed purely for "self" and if your behaviour is at the margins of what is acceptable in society then you'll almost certainly find your relationships are transitory and emotionally unfulfilling.

Sex and the law
If however your sexual behaviour steps over that boundary, so that now you are behaving in an illegal way, be aware of the consequences. Also be aware that it is possible to change your associations. If someone associates sexual pleasure with stealing women’s underwear, by way of example, then it is possible for that person to reprogramme that association so they get pleasure from, say, pictures of women wearing underwear. For further information consult a specialist in CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) or NLP (Neuro Linguistic programming).

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